How to Interpret and Control Behaviour

This article takes a light hearted look at the serious subject of behaviour, terms used to describe children’s behaviour, ways of ‘controlling’ behaviour and the importance of correctly interpreting it.

“BEHAVE!” A common enough cry expressed in a range of decibels by parents and teachers alike. Ringing loud and clear in the young child’s ear the instruction to ‘BEHAVE’ has many connotations – enough in fact to confuse a young brain and cause even more behaviour ‘problems’.

Image for a moment the child’s thoughts: Behave how? Behave like I did this morning when I had to line up with the girls to go out to play? Or like I did last night when mummy shouted at me to behave and go to sleep.  Do I sit down, fold my arms and cross my legs?  “I said, BEHAVE!” I’d better do something.  I’ll sit down, fold my arms and cross my legs that might work. “Get up! Stop being silly! I said BEHAVE!” Oops.

Complying with an instruction to behave is a learned process, the learning of which is made simpler when adults understand their own expectations and communicate these appropriately to children.

Defining and Describing Behaviour

For the purpose of this article behaviour is defined as what we do. It can be seen – and often heard! However, terms used to describe behaviour are often quite abstract, they too need to be defined or explained.

Consider for example the term ‘good behaviour’. What is good?  How does a child know when he or she is being good? Are your perceptions of ‘good behaviour’ the same as mine? I don’t happen to mind if children yell when they are running around outside (within reason). You might expect them to play quietly. How does the child know which behaviour is good if both are okay – but at different times, in different circumstances and for different adults?  What is ‘acceptable behaviour’ to one parent may be viewed asunacceptable to one teacher – and vice-versa.

‘Controlling’ Behaviour 

As a child in primary school I remember one particular method of controlling behaviour. I use the term ‘controlling’ because this method was effective in controlling a whole class of children in the teacher’s absence.  The teacher chose a special child (yes on occasion it was me) to whom she gave a piece of chalk and strict instructions to write the names of the ‘good’ and ‘bad’ children clearly on the blackboard. Woe betide any child that moved or made a sound before the teacher returned!

Interpreting Behaviour

Clearly, it is important to understand some of the reasons why children behave the way they do in order that we may deal with the behaviour appropriately. Take this example from ProCEEd’s Experience of Parenting training:

You observe a little boy stamping his feet.  It is important that you interpret his behaviour correctly.  Is he:

–   stamping his feet because he is angry?

–   stamping his feet to get the mud off his boots?

–   pretending to be the giant in Jack and the Beanstalk?

If he is stamping his feet because he is angry is he angry at himself, you, another child? Can you give him time to work through his own emotions? You really don’t have to jump in with both feet every time a child gets cross. You can keep an eye on the situation making sure that he and anyone around him is safe. If he needs to learn some new strategies for calming himself down you can help him with this.

If you misinterpret his foot stamping as anger when he is merely getting mud off his boots you will frustrate him.  However, if the mud is now squelching into the carpet you will want to gently redirect his stamping.

The giant in Jack and the Bean Stalk stamps his feet long and hard. This kind of stamping is useful for using up excess energy –don’t knock it.  You may be able to make light of angry stamping by suggesting the child is ‘giant stamping’ – it could work!

Of course all behaviour and perceptions of its acceptability are linked directly to the each child’s development – so it pays to be aware.

Good behaviour, acceptable behaviour, positive behaviour, or whatever else we like to call it is a learned process. We must be patient.

If you have enjoyed my article and would like me to run the Experience of Parenting course for your group or setting email me: drmargaretsimms @gmail.com.