Mumsnet and the tiger mother

I was interested to see a feature on Newsnight last night that ties in quite nicely with my recent blog posts about the value of role play in early childhood and its link to emotional intelligence. It was a discussion between Justine Roberts co-founder of Mumsnet and Amy Chua author of “Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother” about the differing parenting styles of Asian and Western parents.

It is perhaps a bit of a generalisation to put it this way but it is thought that the Chinese parenting model focuses almost exclusively on discipline, hard work and attainment whereas Western parents take a more relaxed, permissive approach and are more likely to praise effort and encourage children to enjoy their childhood through play.

During the programme Professor Chua acknowledged that her book is quite tongue in cheek and that she had regrets about certain things that she had done as a parent and that her approach hadn’t been entirely successful. I must confess that I haven’t read it so I’m talking from complete ignorance but from what I gather it is somewhat of a parody that’s not meant to be read as a parenting manual as such.

Since its publication in January the book has caused a bit of a media stir. It has become synonymous with stories of extreme tough love. Professor Chua refused to let her children have sleepovers, go on playdates, take part in school plays, watch tv or play computer games. Her children would instead undergo a strict regime of academic activities that would include mandatory daily practice of musical instruments (this would take place 365 days a year). If her children refused to take part in the activities that they were assigned or if they underperformed they would be coerced with threats (no lunch, no Christmas presents, no birthday parties). Her youngest daughter Lulu was even made to stand outside in sub-freezing conditions because she refused to play the violin.

Listening to Professor Chua last night I think some of the publicity the book has received has been somewhat sensationalised. She comes across as quite a self-deprecating character who probably wouldn’t recommend that parents adopt all of her methods. Nevertheless, her book does highlight the friction between a parenting approach which sees childhood as a formal training period and one which emphasises nurturing, play and self-esteem. It’s hard to see how putting intense pressure on children at a young age can be good for their long term mental health. However, there are many parents out there who will no doubt disagree. Whatever, your perspective I think it’s fair to say that the book is worth a read (it’s available from Amazon). I might browse through it myself if I can fit in between my daily maths activities and piano lessons.

Here’s a Channel 4  interview with Amy Chua that you might find interesting: