Positive Preparations for the Transition to Full-Time Education for the Under Fives (Part 2)

Communications between schools and parents

Schools can sometimes underestimate the extent of a parent’s anxiety and that can lead to a crisis of confidence in the parent who is making huge emotional adjustments to let go of their child on that first day. Always there is a need for schools to consider not only the needs of the child, but what too, is the confidence of the mother. The greater the confidence of the mother, the more likely the prospect that school and parent can work best together positively to support the child’s needs. The lower the confidence of the mother, the greater is the onus on the school to reassure and support both the parent and child.

Building up a picture of a child’s Can Do’s

The parent who feels that their child is not good at making friends, at sharing, at deciding when to go to the toilet, at dressing themselves, at doing what they are told when they are told, will see those deficits more acutely in the lead up to the first day of school. These observations serve no good cause if their end result is to destroy peace of mind and create discontent and anxiety in the home.

Self-regulating thought processes means that we call a halt to thoughts that lead to ‘what if…’ scenarios where that scenario reflects our worst fears.  Instead, build up a positive picture of your child’s Can Do’s. So you don’t forget, make this a visual and fun exercise, using a home-made or a chart bought from a stationery shop. Encourage your child to be aware of when they have mastered new skills and add these to the chart, giving praise frequently and lavishly for effort and achievement.

Accepting a child’s strengths and difficulties

For parents of children with SEN, conversations with professionals in the early years will gravitate towards the needs and difficulties of the child. Remember that the difficulty does not define your child. Try to keep the focus small, so that it does not dominate the language you use around and about your child.

The child who may not be adept at dressing themselves or going to the toilet in time, may be the most caring and considerate to others. In this instance, the child’s social competences (or Personal, Social and Emotional Development) have over-taken their physical competencies (Physical Development).

Developing coping strategies

Parents of children with specific types of SEN, for e.g. Autistic Spectrum Disorder, may feel acutely conscious of the perceived judgement of others. The start of the school term is rife with opportunities for generating insecurities in parents. The spoken or unspoken views of other parents, of teachers, teaching assistants, lunch-time supervisors, all may suddenly seem to matter and take on a significance that can be frightening.

Be conscious of those times when our own assessment of our child’s strength and difficulties, may be influenced by the perceived judgement of others. Do not allow your confidence in your child to be under-mined. Most importantly, do not allow your love for your child to be under-mined by doubt and insecurities.

Key Points from Part 2
•    Be confident in your relationship with your child’s school
•    Build up a positive picture of your child’s Can Do’s
•    Give your child praise frequently for effort and achievement
•    Remember that a special need or disability does not define your child
•    Do not allow insecurities to undermine your love for your child

Heather Stack is a SEN consultant and director of learning Services (SEN) Ltd. She offers a range of consultancy and training services for schools and other organisations. You can get in touch with her via LinkdIn or the learning services website.